This is a last call to join the 2026 Journey Through Madness Workshop, which meets monthly the first Sunday of each month for ten sessions. The workshop is designed to introduce a new eight part definition of psychosis that gives participants a better understanding of what psychosis feel like inside and that highlights ways to work with it that involve sharing stories and becoming more aware of what we experience and felible in how we interpret what we experience.

I have created the workshop along side running professional groups over the past eighteen years that went toward experiences associated with psychosis and that emphasized story-telling and problem solving. I performed the workshop in 2024 online and had a strong group that gave me feedback and engaged in discussion points, videos and excercises aimed at helping sufferers be more comfortable with going down the rabbit hole with support and gain direction on working toward social rehabilitation.

I currently have 10 guests signed up to take the course. Please don’t let cost be a factor. I grant scholarships very easily. Simply contact me at my email tim@specialmessages7.com and make the request and I will answer questions and make sure the workshop is a good fit. You will join a mix of providers, loved ones, peer suporters, and people with lived experience. We will explore the material in community using the expertise of all involved. There is still space for more participants so do not hesitate to learn and weigh in on this important subject.

If you can easily afford the suggested donation of 200$ or want to learn more information about the content and what others who have taken the course have said, simply click the link below:

Sign up for the 2026 Journey Though Madness Workshop

The post Journey Through Madness Workshop in 2026: Last Chance to Join appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

Completing eight-hours of the Journey Through Madness Workshop in the month of November was a great learning experience. It was a humble but auspicious beginning for what I hope to be a fruitful effort to train people how to feel comfortable going down the rabbit hole with someone who has extraordinary experiences and extreme beliefs.

I was wrong about the fact that eight hours would be enough time to complete the whole training. I don’t think I completed a half of my material.

I also started with four and ended up with two loyal participants who want to complete the whole training. I now have four two-hour tapes that can be viewed on YouTube.

By the end of the training, I became comfortable with the situation and started to enjoy presenting the work. In the beginning I plowed through significant social anxiety that may have interfered some with the quality of the product.

I believe my work can transform a person’s perspective and ability to work with people who have a break from reality, and many others who have had extreme experiences that haunt their current relationships. I believe understanding how people who experience a break come to believe the things they do is useful to humanity. It humanizes the process when participants learn how they can relate to the experiences.

However, I also learned that my participants need more time to complete the training before they truly feel confident managing the anxiety associated with going down the rabbit hole.

Turns out I will need at least sixteen hours to complete the full training and plan to pace myself during recording sessions. I will need to do a little better with recruiting participants and deepen the pool of interested parties. I believe I may achieve this by recording one Sunday night a month.

Keep in touch with the Sign Up for the Journey Through Madness Workshop box on my website at https://timdreby.com/product/masterclassfor the latest in your opportunity to participate.

The post A Humble But Auspicious Begining . . . appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

I am writing to alert my community and tell them to WAKE UP. I am coming out of hibernation!

I have always been grateful to my community of readers and want to thank you for supporting me. But I admit my emails have been personal amblings and links to my blogs. First, they were monthly updates, then they were quarterly reflections. Lately they have become even more infrequent.

I am very much a person who learns by doing. I wrote my award-winning memoir without going to school for writing. If you saw my early blog sites you will notice that I have been developing not only my blog writing but also my website skills as I do. Editing the web pages has become an obsession and I am currently undergoing improvements. First impressions have never been my strong suit, but I am getting there, Now, it’s time to work on my social web skills so I can finally put my spider senses into action.

That’s right, I will be using this email list with a great deal more frequency. I have decided that instead of writing a book, I want to develop an on-line training.

This will not happen immediately. At this point I am launching a project to put a redefining psychosis workgroup together. This work groups will be free for those with lived experience. It will include material developed over twelve years with a need to develop my PowerPoint skills to make them look animated and pretty on zoom.

Not only will I be writing narratives of the processes I am going through to make this vision a reality, I will be using resources and affiliations I have to expand my email list and keep you all posted. I may be knocking at your door and asking for you to join me.

If you may be reading this on Facebook and are not on my email list, it is a great time to take the plunge so you can be part of this ground breaking work. When you do sign my email list you get a free pdf of my award-winning memoir. You can sample my work and see what you think.

No more ambling and skill development. It is time for me to WAKE UP. In fact, that is the first three words of my memoir: “I wake up!” Don’t believe me, check it out here.

My decision to focus on further development of my training is simple. It may well be an easier way to express my learning and make an impact. And because I like to write, I will be writing updates and narratives about the hurdles I have to go through.

If you know someone who would be interested in my training, please forward the email and join my list here.

The post WAKE UP, I’m Coming Out of Hibernation! appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

It will be my first EMDR training with a master trainer. I receive a message on my Facebook Messenger account. Someone I friended from Los Gatos California asks if I want to be rich and famous? I can join the illuminati, there are twenty available slots. Do I want to apply?

I have heard many people denounce the illuminati. I mostly know about the organization from a Tupac lyric. Still, it takes me a minute to figure that the post is probably a hoax. I get my ass off the commode and prepare to depart.

If I can trust this EMDR trainer, I may choose to pay to join her network and attend her trainings. I have found the other two famous experts I have taken workshops from to personally wound me.

I have already tried EMDR with my therapist. I am in therapy because of my history of bad experiences with therapists and my inability to get along with my head-shrinking colleagues. One time my therapist got frustrated with me and said he thought I wasn’t a good candidate for EMDR, but I hadn’t allowed him to give up on me.

Taking time for the sake of learning is a challenge at this time. At work we are switching to computerized records. It is not clear if we are going to survive this transition. Our unit has been targeted by administrators who call our service a dinosaur.

***

On my way across San Francisco traffic I listen to a podcast I’ve agreed to appear on in a few days. This podcast is: Baltimore is Talking Live; with hosts Reverend Dr. Q and Aaron Green. I am a little old school. Podcasts are generally not a part of my world unless I am going to appear on one.

In this era, reality is NPR and MSNBC verses Fox News. The impeachment inquiry is on the table and Dr. Q bounces from the bullets in his neighborhood to slavery to the hypocrisy of the left.

I think about the propaganda of each side so often I have a tendency to tune out; but I kind of like Dr. Q.

I work primarily for people who live in board and care homes amid the buzz of bullets in the inner-city. I feel their stories of oppression are not even part of the debate.

If I believed the text books I’d read in college, I would not believe the things they tell me about oppression in the inner city. It seems like books and education the fact program participants can’t write notes on themselves as a justification to take money that should be going to them.

Alas, I don’t trust books written by psychotherapists all that well.

On the podcast, the guest is an author about porn addiction who seems to talk like the hosts weren’t there. His own porn addiction put him in jail for a year and he clearly was far more down to earth than he would have been otherwise. I am impressed that he speaks from a place of lived experienced.

For my clients with porn addiction, the short discussion really helps.

***

I race through the last lanes of traffic and break a few laws. I follow google and park in a lot under the Hilton and get to the bathroom before the conference starts.

As introductory comments are being made a woman who is my age slips into the seat next to me. She whispers at me some introductions and asks if I had read the book that the training is based on. I lift my hand to flash my wedding ring and tell her no just a bit bluntly.

I think back the dating years and think about how blatantly rude I had been. Others might think it was as if someone had lobbed a big fat softball at me and I whiffed horribly. I make some other friendly comments to compensate.

At the first break, I am feeling pretty good about the training.

The woman next to me explains her behavior by exclaiming she’s got poison oak. This genuinely interests me and I inquire and learn that she’s been in Ventana Wilderness which I know well.

I met my wife on an event like that and recall how hard it is being single.

I am quick in and out of the restroom because there are almost no males in the conference. Scanning the room of hundreds, one might see maybe three or four.

As if he read my mind, a man walks up and starts a conversation. He looks very dapper wearing an earthy necklace with a stone in it. He works in a group practice in Palo Alto primarily with adolescents. Clearly ten year older that me, he approaches me like he is interviewing me for a position and wants to know what I’ve read about my specialty, psychosis.

I explain that I am an award-winning author who writes about my experience running professional groups for psychosis. I am not afraid to tell him I have not read many authors who write about my specialty.

He suggests John Weir Perry. Of course, I recognize the name. He was mentor to a psychotherapist I know. I have heard this psychotherapist call me out my name with a bitter voice. Meanwhile, other cohorts he would call, dear.

I acknowledge that I have heard of this deceased writer who was in favor of medication free clinics in the seventies. I mention Soteria House, I-Ward, and Diabasis. The man correctly acknowledges that Perry started Diabasis . It figures, Diabasis was clearly the expensive version of the three! I am less motivated to read the academic ghoul now.

The man, really suggests that I read Perry. “He really did some deep work, and it is very assessible.”

***

The illuminating woman with poison oak invites me to lunch. As if she knows it will interest me, she talks about living in Nicaragua and how most Americans don’t even understand how lucky they are.

She agrees with me when I talk about the facility I work at and the disparities in mental health treatment verses physical health. She says in the nonprofit she works at the quality of facility is an afterthought.

My attention lapses. I remember the trainer’s rehearsed voice, “and then, you start bilateral stimulation and let the person process . . .”

I think about the urinal I am most used to using. I think about the leak that has colored the underneath floor on its way to the drain. Seven years ago, I put in a work order to fix the urinal and years later the drip did get fixed. Still the glistening yellow stain remains. Stradling the stain daily, my eyes are likely to notice the psychotropic shit smears on the textured wall. Psychotropic shit is particularly rich in odor! I think of the soot on the screen outside the bubbled window. The soot built up the years they demolished the old wing next to us the clang and buzz sounding above our voices in the group rooms.

And when I am ready, I submerge from my trance. I figure maybe three seconds have lapsed.

Somehow, I doubt the we are talking about the same level of neglect!

I continue listening to the poison oak woman who has talked about her South Bay family in a scenic suburb. Sure enough, they were personal friends with the trainer. She intends to say “Hi” to the trainer from her sister.

My first supervisor comes from the same town and it conjures up images.

“You know mental health is a very small community,” said that old supervisor the last time I saw her, “If you do something to piss someone off, word definitely gets around.”

I think about how I believe I have been black balled from the county panel that would enable me to open a practice.

***

In the next hour I listen to the trainer’s current concern about the rise of homelessness that is overwhelming the Bay Area. I think about the Great Depression and the presence of Hoover towns often when I see the sprawling encampments.

She launches a story about a kid from Danville who ran away and lived on the streets. Years later a newspaper found the hardened street person and reconnected them to their wealthy brother and got him therapy. He was doing well and getting treatment for his trauma, but then ran away again and overdosed in an encampment. It’s a story that sounds like the movie, Paris Texas.

The trainer says, “I think when people live on the streets, they get a sense of community in the encampments. I mean why else would someone return and choose to live there?”

As the whole room bobs its head, I fume.

I think of the old flick Paris Texas and I know there can be a lot of reasons people choose to run away. Why can’t a trauma specialist think of other reasons? When I saw Paris Texas, I remember the clear sense of an affair that happened between the homeless man and the brother’s wife who hadn’t wanted him to return home. It was a reality one had to sense. My whole life I have wondered how it is that other people don’t all run to join the streets!

One can feel very guilty for coming back from leading a life outdoors and feel rageful! And there can be so many millions of reasons to run! Some of us are born to run, baby!

At lunch I get a Messenger spot on my phone. The person who invited me to join the illuminati has actually contacted me again and is demanding a response. This time the face on the little circle is one that I recognize. I put the phone down before I am sure of this.

I remember collaborating with the face on the little circle picture. She’d sent me a flyer with the silhouette of a cannabis leaf to announce our mutual event at the hospital.

I recall how I played dumb and asked a patient who was once affiliated with a famous drug dealer before legalization. Publicly he says his family business is in “manure” so some of us may not understand. He comes to program so he has a public excuse not to behave violently and works to avoid smoking.

When I’d taken the time to assess his feelings about the cannabis symbol, he’d sighed and confirmed it was a leaf. I think he appreciated my effort to console him. We’ve always liked shooting the shit with each other.

I think that as a psychotherapist on a psychiatric unit, I am already a member of too many secret treatment team societies.

I pick up the phone and respond: “No, thank you for asking.”

I am not going to sell my soul any more than I already have.

***

I bump into a colleague who used to work at the unit I work in and we decide to lunch.

She got caught in a cross-fire of bullets one evening outside the hospital on the way to her car. This caused her to ask for a transfer to the more suburban outpatient psychiatric unit.

She is an attractive married woman with a slender physique. She says she’s on a gluten-free diet and we discuss this a bit.

I want to tell her that she can’t con a con.

We had never been super close. I’d shied away from her because I’d sensed she was still a partier. But we’d had a few good experiences together.

She was a basketball star in college, comes from Texas, and likes Whole Foods. She has recently seen my presentation on psychosis and was nice about it.

I am surprised to learn that she comes from El Paso as she also is part Italian. She talks about how distressed she is about the mass shooting that happened in the WalMart. She has a private practice two days a week and that is what I want so I pick her brain a little. She talks about her history of receiving EMDR and what she’s gone through to become a specialist.

I think about how I felt hearing about homelessness and lie. I say how much I am enjoying the conference. She really supports me in my wish to open up a private practice for my niche.

“People at Fairmont don’t understand how well they have it. Things were really tough at Highland,” she says. “I have a friend in the county, I will follow up with him and see if I can find out if you are really on a blacklist for the county panel. I heard they are currently looking for providers”

***

The rest of the training is a review of the basic tenets of EMDR mixed with four videos that demonstrate them in action. I am pretty able to follow. Participants are asked to visit very dark places and use images and memory of personal resources they have developed in their life to now support them in imagining different outcomes.

The fist two videos are done with therapists who are in training. They are clearly very trusting and articulate. They really demonstrate how this treatment can transform lives. The discussion and review of the points of training are very helpful.

However, as we all know, people who are used to therapy have an easier time processing traumatic events and moving on with their lives.

When I worked with my therapist on resourcing, I realized that all the people I identified as resources had also seriously hurt and betrayed me. Outside my wife and my dogs, it was hard to identify sources of comfort. When I was finally able to think of the writer Charles Bukowski as a resource, I got somewhere. I love his writing and never felt bruised by him.

Indeed, when I will try EMDR post workshop, I will find that bilateral stimulation with the paddles to sound artists like Tupac and Bruce Springsteen help me significantly as well.

***

The rest of the day is a video on her effort to do EMDR on a difficult community person. He is a porn and meth addict who got busted for having some child pornography mixed in with his volumes of pornography.

He did a year in jail and got connected to a church and is now clean, but denies that he has much of a problem and expresses no remorse or emotions when you ask him.

“And,” says the trainer a little playfully, “You might notice that this man is not very intelligent.”

As the video starts the hulking man is wearing a Yankees cap. He is clearly not a hat wearer as the hat is unworn and does not come close to looking good on him. The hat reminds me of Omar from The Wire wearing a tie in the courtroom. His demeaner is like Kevin Spacy in Unusual Suspects.

I instantly think of the Yankees cap as a gang symbol. I know some local gang signs from Oakland, but this man appears to be of Italian Heritage and I think of the New York five families.

He comes across like he’s not going to trust this snobby goof and does deny all his feelings as promised. And who would? The good doctor’s demeaning opinion of the man comes across clear in my eyes.

Sure enough, the man is married with children to whom he had stopped paying attention because of his addiction. He admits that he used the porn to seduce porn stars who stayed late at the strip clubs to film after hours. There is no mention or concern for how he got money for the copious amount of meth he used. In high school, he regrets he was more of a bully than a student.

I rage at the trainer’s clear lack of understanding.

The man has the respect of authority of a soldier. In the conference, the expert doctor makes fun of him for having it. At the end he pretends to want to make her happy.

I have been trafficked by people like him. And now I work in a public sector job that is being choked by one of his buddies.

Once again, bovine heads bob. Now I am almost certain I do not want to learn EMDR from this person who speaks before me.

I have been too hurt by people who have failed to understand me in therapy!

That said, the man did get to the point where he could cry before her and access those pent-up gangster emotions.

Who knows what masterminded violence he was processing by taking that meth and porn! I think about drugs women, or guns, the commodities of the black-market America. I think of how smart and twisted the courts were to use the child pornography charge to force him away from gangsterism. He likely would have had to go protective custody in the pen with a sex offence.

I am grateful he is healing and living more in love, though. He’s got to live in mind-dumbing fear of retaliation through, no doubt.

***

On my way home at the end of the conference, I say goodbye to the male adolescent therapist. The illuminating poison oak woman has distanced herself since I stood her up at lunch. Oops!

I check my phone and clearly the option to join the illuminati has passed as the two messages have been erased off my messenger account.

My ex-coworker comes over to say goodbye and I lie again and say I really liked the conference. I really can’t say anything bad about our talk other than the fact that I lied.

I know that I have gotten a lot of learning from the conference. I am impressed with how EMDR enables a person to work through trauma without taking the therapist there with them. Like the last scenes of the TV series the Sopranos, I feel surrounded by shrinks who are sipping wine and being asses all around me.

I remain unmotivated to read therapy books or join therapy associations.

Alas, I am not internally moved past my stubbornness. I am not vying to become a fucking liar like the rest of them!

The post Modern Day Healers and Tupac’s Illuminati appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

Therapists and peer supporters learn not to impose their beliefs on the people they help as part of their cultural competence training. Why, then, do so many people who suffer from psychosis flagrantly have beliefs imposed on them in treatment?

A huge part of knowing how to provide treatment that does not impose beliefs involves understanding and acknowledging the extent to which beliefs are being systemically imposed and countering with an oasis of techniques that counter that tendency. If you stick with me through this you will attain a sense of what it feels like to have reality imposed upon you and the need for skilled treatment providers who know how to recognize and counter this.

Many of us who endure treatment in the mental health system develop refined radars that detect when beliefs are being imposed. When supporters do this, they may immediately link themselves back to the system of involuntary care that can be equated with detainment, involuntary medication, and a fundamental loss of human rights.

Perhaps the tendency to impose beliefs stems from the misguided cultural norm that expects people in psychosis to suppress the experiences that lead to their immediate crisis. The concept that involuntary ideas can be changed by physical punishment and containment may work immediately but is fundamentally flawed.

The fact is that this often is the only help available to families is an assault on people who experience psychosis. As supportive healers, it is essential to offer places where experiences are honored and explored with coping strategies in mind. I believe the way to do this is to build a relationship that does not impose beliefs. However, as you will learn, this may require working against the grain and a willingness to explore those experiences, even though everyone else isn’t.

Imposing Beliefs Statistically Extends Periods of Suffering:

I got better from two-years of continuous psychosis. The fact that I was expected to suppress my psychosis through punishment prevented me from learning some very simple lessons that could have saved me a lot of grief. All I needed was someone to teach me about the rules and regulations of the black market. I learned those lesson from trial and error without guidance or support. The sense of punishment was unrelenting and I had to utilize all my strengths and privileges to endure.

Although negative, statistics in E. Fuller Torrey;s book, Surviving Schizophrenia, suggest that sixty-five percent of people learn to suppress behavior and thrive like I have, they also suggest that half of us who do endure ten years of rocky and traumatic experiences and loss. Many of us fall into periods of extreme poverty that makes social rehab very challenging.

Usually, treatment starts with experiences of involuntary hospitalization during which victims are held until they start to suppress. This can seem like a nightmare for many of us who already have trauma and struggle to suppress. It is my intention to put a face to this struggle and motivate healers towards establishing non punitive places where experiences associated with psychosis can be explored and mindfully expressed.

Imposing Beliefs via Containing Behavior Results in Resistance to Treatment:

The message in the local public psychiatric emergency room is, “you can’t beat us. You must contain your behavior.” If you object and cannot control your behavior involuntary medication may be used and the incarceration is extended. Other counties and states throughout the country set up distinct strategies to impose and contain. In Montana, I was held for three months and spent the first two weeks locked up on the ward. A month of that experience involved exposure to warehouse conditions which are very degrading to one’s self esteem. Being treated in that way seemed to speak to me that was what was inevitable and that there was no use trying.

Many people who are released from this situation will not want to follow up with therapy because injustices witnessed during incarceration. It can take years of decline and high degrees of suffering before many suffers willingly accept treatment.

This is often blamed on a nonexistent disease (instead of a neurodevelopmental difference as science suggests) and I assure you there is very little reflection on the process within social institutions. For many who work in such contexts, it often isn’t clear whether the goal is social rehabilitation and recovery or to fuel the mental health industry with passive contained smokers and coffee drinkers who will stay out of the way.

While experienced patients may learn to utilize a given hospital and system to contain themselves or get a break from the stress of being on the streets, the situation is not likely to springboard social rehab efforts in the community. The set up is more likely to reinforce isolation rather than rehabilitation and for many this may decrease the idea that therapeutic encounters can help.

Squandering of Personal Resources and Trauma

Often the support system, if there still is one, is more eager to get the recipient care than the sufferer (post hospitalization) trusts the thought of therapy. Many of us who suffer fear stereotypes associated with our diagnosis. Sometimes, our family may have stronger beliefs in our worthlessness based on stereotypes, than we have in ourselves. If we fear having schizophrenia and being subjected to warehousing, many of us will do everything we can to stay free utilizing our personal resources and avoiding therapy.

Perhaps if the sufferer is not informed of the ill effects of poverty and public warehousing, they may internalize the efforts of the institutions to turn people into contained, powerless compliant cash cows. I was a social worker and knew well the ill effects of being on social security and warehoused. I refused to believe that I needed warehousing and that I couldn’t work.

Currently, if youthful suffers are lucky, they may get discharged back to their family which may not necessarily be part of the problem. Some families can learn how to continue to be a support to things they don’t understand, and some don’t change their minds so easily. For some, early prevention programs help avoid immediate decline into board and care home environments.

When I finally got released from the hospital, I was transient and moved around trying to find work. This added trauma and fear of permanent homelessness as my own cash dwindled. I felt followed and threatened on a daily basis when I ran out of my medication. My perception became populated with threats and symbols. When my resources were getting low and I was unsure of my ability to hold a professional job, I was forced to get help from my family.

Many sufferers are better at surviving on the road or staying independent. They may utilize drugs, alcohol, associated peer connections, and crime or crime syndicates to tolerate these experiences. Currently in Oakland, many are getting into community encampments. I have met many who were resourceful enough to travel. Many do not have families with resources available to them like I had. Many, like me, may have good reasons for not wanting to return to their families.

The Reality of Economic Sanctions Imposed on People with Psychosis:

Released from the hospital, people in psychosis face the high cost of therapy. Specialists for psychosis are few and far in between. The standard of care among many mainstream therapists is to refuse to work with psychosis and refer back to the hospital. A person may need to get on benefits that will pay for treatment if a therapist is even willing to consider it.

Poor prognosis presumptions result in many sufferers being encouraged to go on social security. Consider the several year process of getting on social security. Unstructured time or adjustment to free programs that may expose the participant to sufferers who are impacted by poverty and years of institutionalization. This can be new for some of us. Though this does not have to be a negative experience, to many it feels like it. To many it is just another punishment or poor prognosis reality. Again, early prevention program may fill the void for some.

High cost of therapy is often coupled by disparity in the quality of facility. In the hospital where I work, for example, the facility is an old psychiatric back ward with bubbled widows still intact. While the facilities for most physical conditions are very modern, investment in cleaning services is clearly lower in the historical part of the hospital. I observed this in other programs as well.

If the person is so unlucky as to land in a board and care home or shelter, they might be forced to be out of the house all day and required to attend program. People who are thus subjugated may feel as if they are owned and must comply for others to get paid middle-class salaries. These things are often noticed by participants and they are upsetting. They may suffer just from facing this alternative. These realities may function as economic sanctions that teaches people to underestimate their value to society.

The Devil is in the Details:

Every journey that involves madness is difficult. The details of what one goes through need to be considered. I believe the survivors perspective is important. Thus, I share my perspective on what happened to me to demonstrate how economic sanctions may play out.

When I first went to therapy three months after I was released from the hospital, I tape recorded the interview because I was so afraid that talking at all would get me returned to the hospital. The only reason I went was that it was a requirement for me to get support from my family.

While some part of me knew I needed help, the way I was financially controlled remains unforgettable. I thought my family was the mafia so they arranged to get me a job at an Italian Delicatessen with a twenty mile a day bike ride and two additional hours riding the rails to work. All this effort was needed for a nine-dollar-an-hour job. It has taken me years and covert conversations with family members to unpack and understand the web of relationships that imposed such a reality on me.

Worse, to get financial help with rent, I had to spend $250 a week on imposed therapy. The bike ride and rail ride to therapy was longer than the ride to work. I lived this way for six months using my free time to unsuccessfully get hired elsewhere until my mother relented and gave me three thousand dollars to enable me to purchase a clunker automobile. She defied my father to do this and still feels she made a mistake.

If the therapist had referred me to food stamps and made the therapy voluntary, I might not still suffer the way I do. However, the therapist insisted that the situation was fair and refused to validate or acknowledge the hardship I endured. “I believe you are working hard, but believe me working at a Deli is not so hard. You are giving your power away to those teenage kids. They are not so bad, really. You are letting them bully you!”

By the time I finally left this therapeutic relationship two years later tens of thousands of dollars later, I knew better than to contest the therapist. She said she was not a greedy capitalist. She told me not to become a wounded healer. She told me that in reality I hadn’t been close to homelessness.

I agreed that I was not really hungry and strapped for cash during this process. I concealed all the night terrors and peeing the bed at night during the process. Of course, I lied! I worked until I got my Marriage and Family Therapy License and I wrote an award-winning book about my experience.

I have become a wounded healer! I use insurance rather than demand cash for my services. At least I am not a pretender.

But still, my life is limited due to affects of trauma and mistrust.

Using Therapy Techniques that Don’t Impose Reality!

I think it is important for healers to halt the process of imposing reality upon sufferers and give them choices and options as to how to manage their situations. Instead of siding with forced treatment and using this to impose your values and ideas on the vulnerable individual, listen to the story of what they went through to get to you. Give them resources that give them choices about whether they want to work with you.

Instead of telling the sufferer what to do and what is safe, be curious about what they are experiencing that causes them distress or delight. Know that real important experiences are behind the alternate reality that they are facing. Know that alternate reality has meaning and purpose that can be understood and supported. Alternate realities may be profoundly different from the world you understand, but be brave and curious. If your conduct becomes part of the problem be curious and learn more about what you are doing.

Don’t use the threat of hospitalization to silence or disrupt behavior associated with alternative experience. Instead, go down the rabbit hole with the sufferer with a road map of coping strategies. Know what your doing if you are going to make coping strategy suggestions. If you don’t know what your doing, it’s okay, admit it. Problems with voices and alternate realities are hard. Just being there without imposing reality will really help. Also, it is usually appreciated if you puzzle through the muck to the best of your ability.

Consider that dangerous and scary experiences are not going to be openly shared with you if you are going to laugh and call them crazy. I would not tell my therapist real experiences that were disturbing because she wouldn’t take my less-disturbing experiences seriously. What ensued was entirely unhelpful to me. It was a total thorn in my side.

I concealed as much as I could and she had absolutely no understanding. Then, when I did things that could have got me killed, like call the FBI, she threatened me with what seemed to be hospitalization instead of understanding and exploring the experiences that led me to do so. That is an example of what happens when treatment is imposed!

A Challenge to the Status Quo Best Practice:

Throughout I have referenced the existence of early prevention programs. Locally and nationally they usually utilize a best practice called CBT for Psychosis.

I’d like to argue that when the best practice for psychosis, CBT for psychosis, allows healers to separate themselves from the beliefs of the client, it makes the process of safe connection much harder. This is a boundary and policy that makes it harder for recipients of treatment to trust because it reinforces the idea that reality may be imposed. Especially, if the helper turns and refers them back to the meatgrinder of psychiatric inpatient to send them a message, it can add to trauma.

I am not saying that challenging irrational thinking cannot be helpful at times. However, not everyone who is abused can control their thoughts. Experiences like disassociation and hypervigilance often interfere with cognition control. Let those who can learn use cognitive therapy use it, but don’t come with a cookie cutter mentality. You may help some, but don’t presume that those who you can’t help aren’t reachable. Consider learning additional strategies.

I utilize broader strategies that include mindfulness strategies, curious inquiry about psychosis as a culture, medication, positive psychology, trauma informed reprocessing, behavioral strategies in addition to cognitive strategies. I believe broader strategies are needed and will leave far fewer people behind. There is a lot that can happen when reality isn’t imposed.

The post Healers, Imposing Your Reality on People Who Experience Psychosis is Part of the Problem! appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

Stories related to psychosis can be intense, and can lead to traumatic recall when a sufferer retells them and does not feel contained or believed within the relationship. Perhaps this is the reason many therapists, family members, and psychiatric wards learn to shut down the telling of the story.

Shutting down stories can be seen as protecting the psychosis survivor from unnecessarily reliving the experience and going through the distress again. Perhaps this is done to avoid a fight or yet another power struggle over reality. Activating trauma that you cannot stand to consider is a bad idea, right?

Imagine being a person who has experienced psychosis and having the entire mental health system agree not to let you tell your story as a boundary. This strategy is employed over and over again despite the fact that recipients of this kind of care often become progressively more isolated and distressed over time.

Perhaps no one in the system can imagine what it is like to experience systemic indifference to traumatic material. Indeed, is it really so impossible to believe that these experiences are real and there for a purpose? Is it really so hard to believe that the person in psychosis may have some perceptions that are spot-on accurate? Not acknowledging them can be cause for further social withdrawal, instill a sense of hopelessness, and do further damage to an already ailing self-esteem.

Trying to stay on the same page as everybody else may teach a person to suppress their experiences. While symptom suppression may decrease social attacks and ridicule, I also believe it is the wrong tact for many. Too many people suppress, isolate and withdraw from social functioning. Is it not possible to create spaces and relationships in which experiences of psychosis can be dealt with in mindful manners? If survivors can be believed by supporters, if their experiences can be credited with having profound meaning, then perhaps outcomes could be better.

A New Strategy with Survivor-Led Groups

I have come to strongly believe that shutting down stories related to psychosis is the wrong thing to do. I believe this so strongly that I have come out as a therapist with lived experience with madness. I regularly share my experiences in group therapy to facilitate group reflection and the telling of stories.

I credit the Hearing Voices Network for prompting me to take this plunge. Word of survivor-led groups achieving remarkably different results prompted me to start a curriculum for professional groups. In the curriculum, which I have turned into a training and a group therapy guide, I deconstruct what psychosis is into solvable components.

It’s true that there are times when I wonder if coming out mad was the best career decision. I have had to bravely admit my vulnerabilities, which sometimes seems to hurt my credibility. And yet I find that being an artfully unreliable narrator helps guide people to their own truth more effectively. I feel I get better results having taken the plunge.

Being out has helped me exponentially in creating specialized care for psychosis survivors. As a result, I have a number of suggestions for how to encourage the telling of stories without retraumatizing survivors in group settings and in individual encounters. Many of these suggestions are based on replicating realities that happen in survivor-led groups.

1. Eradicating Stigma and Grounding Participants

Many supporters actually believe that people who experience psychosis are fragile. It is one of the three most dominant stigmas about mental health challenges, according to Patrick Corrigan’s research.¹ As a professional, I have heard this said so many times and I am convinced that my colleagues say this because they don’t know what “psychosis” feels like. At times, simply reversing this stigma can help ground someone who is in psychosis and remind them about how tough they are to be handling such real trauma.

There are other grounding techniques that I have utilized when I sense the group is starting to feel traumatized. Often, acknowledging the trauma in the room and allowing the groups to socialize and focus on related movies, music, or art can help. If group members initiate this process, it is good to compliment and acknowledge what they are doing as being helpful. Instead of controlling the group and staying on course, collaborating and enhancing these efforts is advisable.

2. Believing that Psychosis is Happening for a Reason and Holds Truths

I already said this, but it stands to be further emphasized.

I believe that if classifying experiences that trigger psychosis as an ‘illness’ can retraumatize many, finding value in those experiences will help ground many psychosis survivors who are in distress. In other words, when the helper meets the content of the survivor’s experience with curiosity and interest, the psychosis survivor is less likely to be traumatized. In contrast, if the supporter exudes the belief that the psychosis survivor will be traumatized, this outcome will be more likely to come true.

Often the survivor leader is excited to learn that others relate to them, and has a high level of hope that others can achieve wellness in spite of disturbing material. Thus, getting naturally excited when a person is sharing details and having strong beliefs about recovery being possible helps deepen the threshold for what others can bear.

Additionally, studying different causation frameworks that psychosis survivors hold gives participants a basis for understanding how experiences that trigger psychosis are possible.

In therapy groups I have often suggested there are six styles of causation frameworks that operate in different ways at different times. Sometimes the experiences may be caused by or related to political, psychological, traumatic, scientific, spiritual or artistic factors.

Knowing which framework explains a given trigger is often impossible! However, I believe that the more types of frameworks the psychosis survivor uses to explain the triggers, the more likely that they will be able to navigate the trigger in a functional manner. Positive knowledge about all explanations helps one find the value of each experience.

The more explanations the supporter learns, the better they can help make valuable meaning of these disturbing experiences. Giving up and calling the experiences meaningless does not help.

When there is a purpose for suffering, it is far more helpful.

3. Sharing Your Own Experiences with Psychosis

One of the huge benefits of survivor-led groups is that the leader also shares their own experience with psychosis. This opens people up to telling their story because it defies the dysfunctional boundary that exists between clinicians and patients—the presumption that the clinician is ‘well’ and the patient needs to learn wellness from them because they know better.

Additionally, when a survivor leads the group and discloses their own experience it sets the stage for more sharing.

One reason I believe this works is that if group members are free to judge the leader as being delusional, they get the chance to do some projective identification testing. If they do judge the leader as being delusional and see that it doesn’t bother the leader, they will become more emboldened to take the same risks and withstand others who may try to reality-check them.

Another reason self-disclosure in survivor-led groups works is because many in the group will believe the leader’s story and support them, as that is the way they want to be treated if they tell of their own experiences. Therefore, a leader who is prepared to believe some pretty outrageous stuff in a reciprocal manner is generally appreciated by many in the group.

Whatever place the group participant may be in, the tendency is to become compelled to share. I believe that sharing breaks down defenses and helps the participant let go of the traumatically reinforced material.

4. Spotting and Sharing Related Experiences to Achieve Cultural Competence

Many workers in the mental health system might say they can’t share their experiences with psychosis because they haven’t had them. Though I agree that it can be harder to relate to psychosis material if you haven’t had those experiences of being in a crisis, I think most workers likely have had some related experiences; if they learned to identify these and articulate them it would be helpful for psychosis survivors.

If a mental health worker sits in group and understands the experiences that trigger psychosis, they will probably learn to be able to relate. Additionally, being able to relate normalizes psychosis experiences and makes it safer to disclose without feeling like others don’t believe you and don’t care. In the definition of psychosis that I have created, things like dreams, interpersonal interactions, and intuitions can trigger alternative realities. I think workers can learn to relate using those common experiences and learn to join the conversation.

I think this is a measure of cultural competence. If you can see serendipitous events and imagine thoughts that may come up from them, why not share those with the psychosis survivor? Why not think about how you might explain those experiences in creative manners? Doing so isn’t going to hurt you. It is a sign of wellness and empathy.

5. Knowing When the Story Is Really There to Test You

It is important to know when a psychosis survivor is simply trying to establish her or his right to tell the story. In the past, survivors may have been interrupted or challenged when they tried to tell their story. Some will tell fragmented stories to see if they can get away with it and keep your interest and concern. I have been known to get in there and fish for special message experiences to demonstrate that I am there with them. However, it can be important to notice when this isn’t wanted and just let the person tell their story without being judged for doing so.

In many cases, the traumatic response may happen when the test has failed yet again. Indeed, I think it is important not to be concerned about whether the psychosis survivor’s comments are accurate or fit into your reality. Perhaps it is possible for the leader to make a few inaccurate-sounding comments themselves. This helps normalize and permit those experiences and paradoxically challenges the psychosis survivor to question themselves.

This is not to say that there is not a time to challenge an inaccurate comment that is made about you; there is a point where this can be effective. But first you have to repeatedly pass the tests. And acknowledging that you don’t understand everything about yourself and that they may be seeing something you are not aware of can help put off the challenge until the test is passed.

6. Bringing Other People or Situations Into the Discussion

If I am afraid that a person is going to get triggered by sharing their psychosis story because the group is inattentive or emotionally absent, I may try interrupting and identifying a triggering experience the participant has referenced and ask other group members if they can relate to the experience. If I am not in group, I may think of a similar experience I have heard before and share that experience to prove that the person is not alone. Usually, at least, I can relate to the triggering experience and share a story. This not only prevents the participant from feeling quite so alienated, it reminds them that others can relate and deepens the support in the room.

Likewise, if I am able to listen and discern some conspiracy ideas that might explain some of the triggering experiences and I fear retraumatization, I may propose that the group talk about that particular brand of conspiracy and how it really is possible. Again, this may help the participant feel like they are not alone. Group conspiracy talk is another way to deepen the threshold of what the group can tolerate and invite stories.

With other people relating and participating, the person telling the story is less likely to be retraumatized and may feel more supported. Then, it is a great idea to return to the story and hear it out intensely without having need for reality tests.

7. Addressing the Fact That You May Be Recording What Is Said

In many countries where the Hearing Voices Network has flourished, such as England, the Netherlands, and New Zealand, socialized medicine enables support groups to be funded outside the system where there is no need for clinical notes. This also helps create a sense of safety that invites disclosure.

Indeed, if group records are going to be taken by the facilitator for reimbursement purposes, that needs to be addressed in the room, identifying the potential for conspiracy.

Letting the participants know what I believe about the notes and the potential for them to be used in an abusive manner without my knowledge is a strategy I often employ. I point to computer screens and light fixtures and suggest that if they can put cameras down peoples’ colons, they can certainly bug the room without my ability to protect the group participants. I believe it is a disservice to promise a psychosis survivor that their material is safe. We are not in control of their ideas of reference that may be confirming unsafe realities. At least when the helper acknowledges the limits of their power it validates the concern.

When I document what takes place in a group, I also note that I have used my own lived experience to crack open stories. I tell participants that I do that. I think doing so demonstrates integrity and clarifies that the note is not written with the intent to do them harm. I also think doing so reduces stigma of the chart reviewers and takes away the perception that the helper will turn on the group participant and abuse power.

It is ideal when these issues can be avoided, but I also think it is possible to address them if you have to take notes in order to bill in the health care system.

Specialized Care Is Necessary

I believe that utilizing these strategies and other well-documented efforts of the hearing voices movement can help clinicians grow and come to a point where they can listen to stories of psychosis and contain them just like survivors can. I think that people who choose to specialize in this type of care need opportunities to grow and learn to contain such stories, and that survivors need opportunities to become specialists and lead groups themselves. Specialized care is most certainly needed.

The post Seven Strategies to Use that Help Avoid Retraumatization While Working with Psychosis: appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/bmorerealtalk/2019/10/18/baltimore-is-talking-live-with-clyde-dee

“Got to Keep the Devil Way Down in the Hole!”

Every week, Rev. Dr. Q and co-host, Aaron Green broadcast from the city of the hit TV series, The Wire. I was honored this week to be invited to discuss my book, story, and mental health. Click on the picture to visit their broadcast and hear our discussion.

The post Baltimore is Talking Live! appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

I contend that the trendy depicton of psychosis as a thought disorder misleads the public and can lead to misunderstandings that sabotage treatment efforts. I am writing to suggest that psychosis should not be defined as the result of spewing distorted thoughts that need to be corrected, but is actually the result of uncanny perception and efforts to cope with that perception. I think that people who relate to those who experience psychosis need to understand that it is perceptual triggers that lead to self-sabotaging thinking and distress. Recognizing those triggers can be key to better strategies for coping.

Even the most advanced research on schizophrenia, which suggests that it is a neurodevelopmental syndrome rather than a psychiatric illness, alludes to the thought disorder narrative. I suspect that this is a political act of supporting the best practice of cognitive behavioral therapy. I am personally in favor of a therapeutic approach that is specifically created for people who experience psychosis across diagnostic divides.

For example, in her groundbreaking article in The Psychiatric Times, Sophia Vinogradov, MD suggests that the problem is cognitive:

We now understand that these are neurocognitive disorders (ie, how neural systems in the brain represent and process information). We also understand that they are neurodevelopmental disorders with genetic components and antecedents during gestation. The developmental course unfolds with increasing signs, symptoms, and cognitive dysfunction . . . (2019).

When problems are depicted as cognitive as such, the conclusion is that the thinking is faulty and that thoughts need to be changed. Too often, people hear this and believe that all such thoughts are incorrect and must be stopped. This can cause pressured and unhelpful communication. I think it is more important to listen and understand before there is an effort to challenge thoughts.

The Importance of Exploring the Meaning of the Experiences to Engage a Sufferer:

I intend to delve into better defining what psychosis in this post and will highlight the importance of other processes beside irrational thoughts that go into a “thought disorder.”

I have come to believe that experiences that cause the thoughts are valuable and need to be further explored for meaning and understanding.

I experienced a two-year crisis during which I thought my family was a mafia family and was persecuting me. I can attest that admitting that two years of my life were wasted on meaningless blither was not a way to engage me in meaningful change. Moreover, although I did need to change and stop making meaning of many things, I have since found that I learned a great deal of meaningful things during those two years that currently enrich my life.

Behind me, sits my eleven years of experience running professional groups in which I revealed my own experiences with psychosis. Behind me is also an international movement called the Hearing Voices Movement that has a considerably longer history.

The Experiences of Psychosis Fit into Different Causation Frameworks:

Those of us who learn to openly share experiences in group therapy, learn a host of different explanations for why our experiences are happening. The hearing voices network define these as frameworks. In other words, experiences are often interpreted from a framework and I am going to characterize five styles of frameworks that are representative of thousands of individual examples.

Often, experiences are perceived based on the dominant framework that the sufferer trusts the most. The framework often dominates the sufferers mind and makes it hard for the observer to even know the experiences that exist beneath the surface.

The first framework that I am going to present is that these experiences can come from spiritual experiences. Perhaps the magical perceptions seem to come from good or bad higher powers, depending on the tradition. At times, good and bad guidance may be mystical and at times those experiences can be erroneous. Experiences that are wrong can be characterized like Carl Jung’s concept of a trickster, they can cheat the sufferer and cause material loss.

All spiritual traditions include the concept of a trickster. Often, it can be hard to tell the difference between mystical wisdom and tricksters. Learning how to manage spiritual feedback takes time and training,

The second framework that often influences message receivers is the concept of political oppression and exploitation. Sometimes, and far too often, there are real people who belong to secret societies that are behind real abuse and marginalization. Consider a treatment team that meets without the patient present and misrepresents that person and extends their hospitalization!

Also, there are powerful government conspiracies that involve secret societies to prevent rebellion and promote public misconceptions. For many frameworks there are criminal, governmental, or intergalactic organizations that work to control the environment. The concept of targeted individuals validates and expresses the realities experienced by many sufferers. Such alternative realities suggest the phenomenon of gangstalking. Thus, learning to stop challenging power can help.

The third framework that is important to note is that there are ways that traumatic events and dilemmas can cause the mind to fragment and re-experience trauma. Differentiating trauma from the reality of current situations can be a lifetime project. This becomes a real issue that most people who experience psychosis have to deal with.

The fourth framework that is often used by treatment providers is that experiences are made up from unconscious psychological processes in the mind that may be related to attachment or fractured personalities. Such frameworks suggest that experiences are made up in the individuals head. Some people respect them and seek to explore and integrate them and some people just think they need to be ignored as a result.

Finally, there are scientific processes in the body that may be behind faulty thinking: misfiring of neurons, schizophrenia genes hidden in DNA that make people permanently impaired. Of course, there are more positive scientific frameworks out there like that some people have spiritual genes that are likely to get persecuted, or that some minds have an ability to perceive on the psychic energy of others, through observing scientific gamma, delta, or other radio waves rays that bounce off the body.

All these different frameworks represent different ways underlying experiences can be explained. Take an experience and put it in a different framework and the meaning of the experience vastly changes. Sometimes hearing thoughts without understanding the framework and experiences that accompany them can make the thoughts appear wildly distorted. Additionally, sufferers tend to get locked into a particular framework that adds to a tendency to interpret experiences in ways that may appear incorrect to someone who hasn’t listened and understood.

In fact, I like to argue that people like me who think the world is against them can lead lives in which the world really is against them. Telling them they are thinking wrong or that those underlying experiences don’t matter becomes invaliding and may result in further trauma and sense of alienation.

Learning the Value of Different Frameworks Can be Used to Disempower the Experiences: 

I believe people who experience different frameworks in the stories of peers can learn to diversify the manner in which they interpret their experiences and begin to see how they come up with thoughts that appear faulty to the mainstream. Ultimately, I think that using different frameworks is necessary to take away the power of the underlying experiences so that a person can function in the social world.

In making such an assertion, it is arguable that there is real benefit of sitting in groups and hearing people’s stories. I believe it teaches a participant in a different manner than a genetic researcher learns through looking through a microscope at the neuroplasticity of neurons. One thing that I have personally learned from running up to three such groups a week over the years, is that people are extremely unique in the way they come to cognitive distortions.

It takes a great deal of work in order to open someone up to talking about their private experiences and to consider listening to others with genuine curiosity. Often, it is important to forget everything we know and listen with a psychosis mindset to make sense of another persons’ experience to draw out the story so that commonalities can be displayed and observed.

One thing that I believe is toxic in such groups is when a leader tries to impose their reality on participants. It is different for example to learn about a different framework by listening to a peer than it is to being told that your experiences really definitively fit a different framework. I believe all frameworks have merit at different times. Just because you know what works for you, doesn’t mean you know what works for someone else. The danger of overgeneralization is a valid concern.

That is why I really like a principle that the hearing voices network advocates for: participants are to speak from their own place of knowing, not the sense of knowing. I have used my experiences of learning from others to stop jumping to conclusions about my experiences and to wait and see. Thus, I am more mindful of my experiences and less attached to them.

As such, disempowering the experiences is helpful, but sometimes to do this it becomes important to pay more attention to them and rationally solve the problem of what is going on.

Identifying the Types of Experience that Lead to Cognitive Distortions Can Help:

It has also helped to do significant work in groups defining examples of underlying experiences. I call these experiences special messages. They include not only voices, visuals and tactile sensations, but also other experiences that trigger conspiracy ideas. Special messages are things like intuitions, premonitions, body language and use of codes and symbolic associations that hide alternate meanings. Some of us have gifts of knowing things that we become overly dependent on and that cause us to get focused on these experiences and trying to learn how they are possible.

Special messages provoke thoughts particularly when the person is trying to figure out what is happening. I define this as a state of sleuthing and the hearing voices network define it as making meaning. When multiple messages are happening fast the experiencer can get an internal buzz of trying to figure out experiences that only leads to having more and more experiences. It becomes very hard to distract from these herd-to-contain thoughts. So often the thinking fits a singular framework. The thinking and thinking about the experiences coupled with the way the public reacts to the person experiencing the thinking can turn the thoughts into distortions.

The interesting thing about the experiences is that they can often be preconscious. Indeed, the person can be more aware of what they are thinking than what they are experiencing. Of course, the thinking can be influenced by a framework and past experiences that have influenced the formulation of the framework. Thinking can affect behavior and cause the person to be treated in negative manners that add to and confirm the framework suffer. This can increase the power that is given to the underlying special messages experiences and the state of sleuthing and making meaning of what is happening.

The experiences will always happen. They can be real and at times hurtful. Additionally, the more a person sleuths or makes meaning of them, the more vulnerable they become to being impacted by more experiences, or special messages. However, sleuthing in community with others forces the sleuthing process to slow and be better defined. Moreover, doing so with support of others can help the sufferer solve the problems and make changes that can help them transform out of the emergency state.

How Behaviorally Changing Relationships with Underlying Experience Can Help:

Whether dealing with a bullying voice, a negative outcome, a bad energy perceived, or distressing serendipitous occurrence, there are times when the sufferer can be coached to change their behavioral relationship with the underlying special message experience. Talking back to the voice, or humbly adjusting to the situation can be exactly what is necessary.

If this is to happen the message receiver must spend time increasing their awareness of messages and changing the behavioral relationship they have with the experience. This can be just as important as challenging an irrational thought. In fact, it might be necessary to do before rational thinking can be expected.

Challenging Internalized Stigma Can Help:

Clearly there is an element of cognitive dysfunction experienced by those who experience psychosis. However, I believe that a majority of that dysfunction comes from the social definition of schizophrenia as being a progressive illness that gets worse over time. This misunderstanding of psychosis is so rampant in our culture that it leads many to stigmatized views of a sufferer’s abilities that then get internalized. I contend that a majority of these negative beliefs are reinforced by the way associates and mental health workers start to treat their subjects.

While clearly the level of support varies a great deal in a person’s experience, the negative treatment that people experience and the fear of schizophrenia often can set up the basis for extreme cognitive dysregulation. Thus, countering these stigmatic realities with support that emphasizes rational thinking can lead to help. However, getting people to use rationality as a tool to help balance them and increase their resilience does not prove that the problem is a thought disorder.

Conclusion:

I believe there is a lot more to recovery from psychosis than just depicting reality as being rational thoughts. Many philosophers argued against rationality. Hence, I am arguing that depicting the problem as a thought disorder is misleading.

The post Depicting Psychosis as a Thought Disorder is Misleading! appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

I learned a lesson in spontaneity some twenty years ago that I try to bring with me to each workshop I do.

At the time, I was heavily engaged in writing poetry. I explored socializing at poetry readings to meet other people who liked to write. In my notebooks and on the word processer I was obsessively rewriting. I believed I was creating some good stuff, but alas I had no one to read and affirm me.

I found a South Jersey poetry group called the Mad Poets. I took my most recent and best poem to an open reading hoping to shed the sense of invisibility that one has when no one will glance at your work.

The poem I read was a carefully constructed villanelle about being a social worker. I had spent hours and hours getting some phat one-line images. I still think I had some good ones. Lines like “Rooting through boarding home shanties, stench swept:” “Costly mansions adorn our cross-town schlep;” or, “Now my flesh freezes, colors mannequin clam.” In each line of that poem, I felt I was able to convey a complex story with a lot of movement and with colorful words. To see poem click this here!

When I took the microphone, I apologized in advance because there was one curse word in the poem that got repeated throughout. A proud suburban woman in the audience complained and asked me to read without the curse word.

It so happened there was a word of the day, spam, and all the known writers were trying to use it for points. Thus, when I came to the repeated curse, I substituted the word: “Because housing subsidy is a godspam scam!”

It was the first time I ever got a major acknowledgement for reading a poem.

Usually, with poetry, I am terrified to read in front of an audience. I have learned there is dyslexia behind that phenomenon.

But at the coffee house that day, people were laughing and complimenting me. I was truly excited.

However, when I checked in with my peers nobody appreciated my phat one-liners. They just hooted and hollered and said that godspam scam was really funny

So, as usual, I walked away from the reading really distressed. I remained an isolated poet. I never sent my poetry away for publishing. My drunken roommate became a Pultzer Prize winning poet. Now I am just another isolated, award-winning writer who wants to change the way the public greets psychosis.

***

This power of spontaneity is a lesson I try to take with me into each of my workshops. Spontaneity has a way of grabbing the participants attention and engaging them. If one wants to get one’s work seen, spontaneous moments can be necessary. Maybe later, people notice the phat one-liners much as I do when I reflect on music.

In my most recent workshop which I gave to Fairmont Hospital Outpatient Psychiatric Unit in San Leandro, California, I had prepared extensively for an hour-long presentation. I was trying to shave off a lot of content out of a six-hour presentation and complete an overview in a short amount of time. However, as often happens in life, everything that could go wrong did.

My co-presenter brought his slide presentation on a Mac device that wasn’t compatible with my laptop. As a result, instead of clearing my mind and approaching the event with even nerves, I was frenetically playing around with technology before the presentation.

Then, participants started shuffling in a half hour late.

Then we futzed with the technology for ten minutes.

By the time my co-presenter was finished (barely using his slides after all that) I had at tops a half hour.

I have done my best to create slides that outline information and depend on my own muse to fill in the blanks with spontaneous examples. So, I simply targeted the first part of my presentation and went with the flow. Though I didn’t get to all the material I tried to flash forward and capture the most important points.

The result was that we got some very interesting questions. I fumbled around with a good opportunity to debate some of the most important issues that come up in when professionals fear retriggering participants by letting them tell their stories. The result is I am working on an important piece to professionals about strategies that can be utilized in group settings to avoid re-traumatization.

I was recently coached to be so structured and organized with time management in my presentations so as to complete what I say I am going to do. This was really helpful feedback to receive! And yet I am still glad to say that I am still able to adjust to circumstances and grab people attention with spontaneity.

Leading group therapy for twenty-five years has trained me to be very attentive to the energy in the room and respond accordingly. Additionally, my spontaneous effort to get people to read my poetry twenty years ago has also helped.

***

In my next training which is at Alameda County’s BEST NOW peer provider training, I plan to restructure my presentation based on the request of the instructor. But I know I can do this and maintain that sense of spontaneity that is so important to reshaping the way the public approaches people who are in emergency.

***

I now offer a shorter hour-and-a-half overview of my training delivered with flexible spontaneity in addition to a six-hour training. If you are interested in a training where you work, I will even come voluntarily.

The post Workshops with a Sense of Spontaneity: appeared first on Redefining "Psychosis".

Perhaps we all go through periods of time when we are asked to redefine ourselves. As the summer is underway, I find myself challenged to find new ways to commit to my work supporting people who experience psychosis.

If you are receiving this email or post, you are likely familiar with my blogs and efforts to use my experience to help change the way psychosis is approached. A large part of my writing platform depends upon having meaningful work that enables me to share experiences with others and that financially supports me in doing so.

Early this summer, the company I work for announced that programs will be getting cut and closed to address a huge budget shortfall. More information was released and we learned that there is a proposal to merge the urban Highland Program where I work with the suburban Fairmont Program.

This could function to devastate a community that has supported me. It is Highland that allowed me to create my special message group which gave me the opportunity to learn how to redefine psychosis.

The potential loss of this community breaks my heart. I worry for the clients who don’t want to acculturate to the new community. What will they do to stay busy and get support? But I have to confess that sometimes I fear that without this supportive community, it is I who will not be able to thrive and create content that matters. Giving to others and seeing them happy clearly feeds me and keeps me going.

I do believe that I will be okay, but this change ushers in fundamental changes towards who I am and how I have been able to survive. I have already started straining to find an alternative course of income in the event the merge or in the event that my position gets eliminated. Talk from the company has been tough and has made me question the stability of my union entitlement and right to “bump” a less experienced worker.

I have kept my writing practice up to the best of my ability and have some irons in the fire in terms of new blog posts to publish. Still, my confidence as a writer is shaken my need to create a new identity. Relationships with new colleagues will be very different if I am selected to continue my service in Alameda Health System. The issue has caused me to evaluate my values and professional options. How do I make a living without selling out my values and passion for understanding and working through psychosis?

If I go to private practice, how do I fill that practice with people who can benefit from my expertise? How do I get on insurance panels? What if private practice causes me to stray away from my passions? Can I be as open and forthright if I work with people who don’t relate to psychosis? Do I need to hide my identity on my blog and as a writer? These are dilemmas that currently interfere with publishing the posts I am working on

Are there some ways that this change might help me grow for the better?

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