It has been another stressful month of intense weekend work and low levels of published output on my blog. I finally invested in a WordPress Business Plan and after two months of unsuccessful haggling on Fiver, I hired a web designer at a reasonable price to construct me a professional website.
Well, investing in a business plan proved to be an act of faith I should have taken many moons ago, but I did not know exactly what I wanted from a web designer and did a poor job of communication and a lot of praying for a good outcome. This I would not advise.
I learned that an author website and platform is a very personal thing. What I received for two hundred dollars did not in any way artistically represent my platform, values and purpose. With intense stress, I had to part with two hundred dollars I could have invested in advertising and learn to use plugins and set up a professional website on my own using models from other platforms to teach me.
When I profess to love you forever,
You should know, cause I already told you
That I’m lying—that my love is for never.
Now I can see that your attractive look
Diminishes as time passes on, first
Impressions of your beauty, I know I mistook
My mission has become a haze
In these droning hours—
Grass coated medians:
Another couple hundred miles,
Another tank of diesel fuel,
Another nook and cranny town
Left unexplored by my consciousness
As the gas logo sign posts,
Bat me in the eye
Pillars and bridges are swooping down
With on and off ramps
Leading to livelihoods
That embrace all the homes
That I defy.
It’s true that a plastic rimmed hat
That cost me ten cents at a thrift store
Is sitting on my head;
And it’s true that they gave me
A free plastic trash bag
To covers some of my
Old five and dime store clothing display;
And it’s true I might have taken the bus;
When it didn’t look like rain this morning;
And it’s true that it would have been
Ten miles home, or four miles to the mall
By the time the skies opened
And dogs and cats nailed down upon my face;
It’s true that already have an interview suit
In another state
That my father wouldn’t send to me
When we fought on the phone earlier today;
And it’s true I have an interview on Friday
And it’s true that I have the money
On my card to pay;
And it’s true that I don’t have enough money
To pay four more months’ rent stay;
To hell with the insipid emptiness
That keeps good people ineptly drowned!
Gaze into the perplexed distress and bless
The self that is so often shackle bound!
This is my pledge to the introspection
That so often is betrayed or unknown
Or left to rot in the gutter of dread
And then scavenged for the insurrection.
Together we starve and wither alone
Our thirst being a statement left unsaid.
There is numbness that grasps the bone
Which is surrounded by layer upon layer
Of prickle that persistently drones
Out experiences that do conjure
Recurrent traumas of spirits within.
Like swollen flesh, nothingness throbs
Throughout enduring routine of day
Expanding its reign under your skin
Until your inner turmoil sobs
Containing misery you cannot delay.
Having spent last night
In this University town
With well-adjusted kids
Who have nothing
To charm each other,
I wake late
And am struck
Like a sword in the gut
With thinking about
The stress of the clock
And that ongoing need
As I wait
For my host’s
Breakfast to be finished. Continue reading “University Town”
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