Have you ever felt that there is no way forward that doesn’t sell out your heart and soul?
I believe the clinic I have worked for over the last fifteen years is fixing to be shut down. I am facing a crossroads. I have spent years developing skills that seek to reconstruct a culture of psychosis amid people who are institutionalized. I believe I have good therapy skills and want to branch out an be more independent from the bloody system.
I may have a number of job interviews coming up yet, wonder if can I get hired self-identifying with lived experience with psychosis? Furthermore, most paths forward seem to include insurance panels and group practices that seek people who can work with depression and anxiety. It feels like a niche of psychosis is only for pioneers.Without belonging to a group practice or focusing on brief interventions, it may be hard to get on insurance panels.
One thing I have never wanted to do was leave behind people who suffer from psychosis. It has never seemed fair that people train and fail to acculturate to people with psychosis and then move on to a paying class. Unless I open up a private practice, it seems unlikely that I will be able to develop my niche. That means paying for health insurance and taking a blind leap of faith and perhaps a per diem job. Gulp!
Currently the dilemma of finding work has interrupted my efforts on the blog this month. I have only written three blogs and had one podcast interview since my last update. That said, I did manage to get published on Mad in America.
In the process of getting that post edited, I was given a perspective that may affect my work. I realize that I have two voices. One is professional and that is what Mad in America wants me to build on. I also have an authentic and creative voice that is present in my memoir and that I seek to reserve for my narrative essays, which are more creative in nature.
For a long time, I wanted to merge those voices. I wanted to write a therapy book that was full of one-line zingers and maintain a snappy outsider perspective. I’d find myself quoting rappers to teach my concepts rather than other therapists.
When the Mad in America editor suggested that my voice was me becoming retraumatized when I refused to stop letting it rip, it let me know a little more about my audience when it comes to speaking to other providers or family members. I realize I have to develop the professional voice in order to be heard. My creative writing is where I can use my authentic voice and let out the part of me that is an artist.
I guess it is a good time to work on that professional voice as I am preparing to follow my dream and potentially open a private practice. My next projects may need to be more professional. I do have to say, I am currently writing a creative essay and am enjoying it. It will show up on my blog in future months. Perhaps I may try to publish it in journals first.
I also have some upcoming opportunities to present my training.to a local clinic over the next two weeks.
Additionally, I will be co-facilitating the Hearing Voices Network family group starting on Monday this week.
Finally, in February I will have the opportunity to do a reading of my memoir and other writing at a book store. So, I hope there will be more opportunities to connect with you very soon!!!
So, I am hoping my followers will stay close over the next months as I transition to marketing efforts for the potential of a private practice. Transitions are stressful!!
Join the discussion and tell us your opinion.
You speak of people “suffering from psychosis. I suffered from begin labeled and treated For psychosis. Each of us determines out own suffering.
I agree, self determination is important. I suffered from treatment to and went to great lengths to avoid it. We all have different journeys and have the right to choose what works for us.
So happy that you “have never wanted to…..leave behind people who suffer from psychosis. It has never seemed fair that people train and fail to acculturate to people with psychosis and then move on to a paying class.” I look forward to reading more of your work and here’s to “taking a blind leap of faith.”
Thank you so much for your comment! I am praying that things work out and appreciate your support!
I’ve been struggling with similar concerns, though not exactly the same. One of my core values is authenticity. Most of my life was filled with being inauthentic. I tried so hard to be what other people wanted that I lost myself. Healing from mental illness was largely through learning to connect authentically to myself and others again. I’ve tried to incorporate this into my professional identity too, but find it difficult while navigating insurance requirements, license requirements, and all the other perspectives required to run your own practice.
I had a couple of traumatizing interactions running my practice that made me recoil and reconsider what I’m trying to accomplish. Colleagues have encouraged me to leave psychosis behind and re-gear my practice to different populations. But even entertaining these thoughts feels further from my authentic self.
I wonder about abandoning my license altogether and practicing as a coach or a guide or some other title with less rigid guidelines. But it would be harder to market and harder to keep the business afloat. And I still worry about the potential for trauma and safety risks.
I’m not really seeking answers here. I just wanted to share that I relate to what you wrote. We fought for the identities we hold close to us today because they used to be splintered. To feel the need split our identity again seems painful and unfortunate. Perhaps the difference now is that we get to choose? As children, the splintering happened to us and we were powerless. As adults we can choose with intention. That’s the best reframe I can give so far! Good luck on your new ventures Tim.
It is so good to hear from you and hear about your experience with operating a private practice. I write to maintain that authentic self through the bullshit that seems to have to go on in order to survive. If you ever want an ear, please do not hesitate to email me at email@example.com. We are all on different journeys and one persons answer is another persons poison so I would do my best to just listen and learn from what you’ve been through in a mutual manner.
Thank you for the kind wishes. And Best of best wishes to you.
Wishing success w/ your job search!
Thank you Anna, I have been appreciating your blog!
Thank you, I am learning as much as I can as time passes. It’s a process.
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